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From: "Gus Harper"
Date: Thu, 02 Mar 2000 16:20:11 GMT
Subject: Gus hits the road !

My Mom (she's goes by Gus too! Real name Gusto because her mom's boyfriend
liked Schlitz beer), kicked me out of the house again, so I decided to take
to the highway on another cross country adventure. It is almost spring time
and I should really try getting this winter crust off of me. I wish I was
riding my mom's hog, but she took it away from me because I kept getting
drunk and forgetting where I ditched it. So I will be hitchhiking. I hope
to compensate my rides with some beee-u-tee-fool harp serenades ! I will be
carrying the only harp I own (still has a few reeds left in it) in my boot
next to my trusty CaseXX bowie knife--a family heirlooom that was my great
grandma's--legend has it that she took it off of a pirate in a bar room
brawl.

Anyone ever have a harp nail fall out and get stuck in their foot ? Wow,
that really hurts, but it seems to help me jump around and get in the groove
when I'm on stage blowing some riffs and licks that only I seem to be able
to conjure up.

Hey, I have to tell you all about my current harp !

Man, this harp I got in my boot ain't like any other harp. I tore this baby
apart at Pop's cycle shop and rebuilt it from the bottom on up. Pop
probably has the greasiest work bench and mechanic's vice and tools ever
seen in the uncivilized world ! The top reed plate did not have any reeds
left--just open gaps of air! So I pried it off with a crowbar and replaced
it with the old bottom plate from a G harp (top plate was also blowed!).
Cool ! Now I got a harp that has an F# bottom plate and a G top plate. Who
would've ever thought ! Joe Filisko eat your heart out !
I can not even imagine the beee-u-teee-fool sounds I will be blasting out of
this sucker ! Hey, save those old reed plates--they make good velveeta
cheese slicers--just mash down hard, scrape off excess and remold the excess
back into the original cheese brick.

I've read about all this microporing and beeswax stuff on harp-l, and I say
don't waste your time ! Do what I do ! Just wrap several layers of Duct
tape around the entire harp several times. Military issue duct tape is the
best--Mom uses it to hold both bumpers on her truck. No need to take the
harp apart just to seal the comb--just do the whole dang harp ! Then drill
out new mouth holes with a 1/4 inch bit. Use your boot knife to slit the
bottom open or you could end up blowing your eyeballs half way out of their
sockets (believe me--I know!). Try to shake all the drill debris dust
out--there will be plenty of tape, brass, steel, plastic/wood that can get
stuck in your wind pipe and snag onto your uvula--so be careful ! Remember
always carry your beer up on stage or grap someone else's when you're on the
way up, just in case you turbo suck a piece of your harp down your throat.
It can be a little embarassing having to take a break from blowin harp just
to have a coughing fit. But hey, it has happened before, so I'm sure it
will happen again. I'll get over it !

Hopefully, if all goes as planned, I will be heading for CHICAGO ! Man,
they think its windy there now--wait til I show up. I've got more wind than
that super-dude, Superman. I plan on getting a few minutes of practicing in
and I hope to pick up a few more harps along the way while sitting in with
any and all bar bands, Kareoke, DJ's, jukeboxes (I even jam to elevator
music!) that I find along the way.

Are there any good blues bands or places to play in Chicago ?

Please let me know, I want to hit 'em all !

Any good tattoo parlors ?

I wanna get a tattoo like my Mom's of a harp that says "Bl*w Me!" on it. I
do not want it to clash with any of my other tattoos, so I am wondering
where to put it. My arms, legs, back and chest are almost all used up. Any
ideas ? Forehead ? Ouuu... I can dig it !

Have a great day !
I hope to be able to tell you more useful harp tricks !

Your fun lovin' harp friend,

Gus

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